Shawn M. Rill, LMSW

Telehealth Mental Health Therapy for Adults in Maryland

Insurance and self-pay through a mental health angency
Evidence-based, empirical, logical, and pragmatic
Rational psychotherapy (REBT)
Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy
Resiliency training
Yes, there will be homework
No, venting is not allowed

Prospective Clients

Adults who feel frustrated with how things are going, and they want to make some changes. Stuck, indecision, overthinking, anxious, guilt and shame, lack of worth or value, think they are an “imposter” or “bad person”, or otherwise have patterns that aren’t working for them.

Mental exhaustion
Stress management
Men’s issues
Assertive communication and healthy boundaries
Relationship conflict
Conflict resolution
Persistent self-criticism
ADHD-related challenges

Therapy Model: REBT

Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) is an active-directive form of therapy that focuses on helping people obtain their values and goals. It was created by Dr. Albert Ellis, who was ranked one of the most influential psychologists in history. He drew on behaviorism, cognitive therapy (called rational therapy at the time), linguistics and general semantics, humanism, pragmatism, logic, moral philosophy, and Stoic wisdom. REBT predated Aaron Beck’s cognitive therapy, and is the original form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).

REBT maintains a practical, no-nonsense approach, using a structured formula called the ABC model that is taught to clients. The model highlights the quote from Epictetus: “People are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” It is not the situation or other people that makes someone angry or anxious. It is the individual’s view that other people must act a certain way, or that life must provide certain conditions, that lead to feeling angry or anxious.

Therefore, people often get disturbed because they think the situation should be different than it is. Acceptance of oneself, others, and the world is the main aim of REBT. Acceptance does not mean agreeing, condoning, liking, or going along with a situation. Acceptance is simply acknowleding reality.

Example: If Jordan is upset how they are treated in their relationship, and they shutdown and avoid conversations, or get reactive and escalate conflict, does that help them get closer to achieving their values of connection, love, security, communication… or does it inhibit those things?

People are seeking something…

The human motivational theory of REBT poists that 1) people want to get their basic needs met so they can live; and 2) people want to achieve a reasonable degree of happiness now and in the future. Premised on this idea, it would then be rational to hold beliefs, think, and act in ways to work towards getting one’s values and goals. Likewise, it would be irrational to hold beliefs, think, and act in ways that inhibit one from achieving their own values and goals. That is part of the ABC model.

Example: Casey thinks people at work are going to find out that they are a fraud. They don’t even know how they got hired/promoted, but they have to be perfect or they’re going to get caught as an imposter. So, they spend excess time double-triple-quadruple checking every email. Half the day is spent reviewing every phone call and interaction they had with people. They constantly find things they think are mistakes, therefore they are worthless. They just want to do well at work, learn, grow, and be proud of their accomplishments. Instead, the stress, guilt, and worry is overwhelming.

Sessions

Problems are listed. Situations are identified. Feelings, behaviors, and thinking patterns are elicited. Values and goals are discovered. Then the beliefs are revealed and challenged. Skills are taught and practiced. New behaviors are enacted and repeated to create new habits.

Are the beliefs empirically true in reality; logically sound; linguistically accurate; and pragmatically helpful to work towards achieving the individual values and goals? If not, then continuing to think and act in the same way will likely garnish the same results in similar situations.

A Hard Truth

The goal of psychotherapy is not to just feel better. It’s not. And yes, many therapists might offer that, but is the person achieving what they want in their lives? Or are they just going in once a week and venting, then feeling better, only to return the next week to vent about the same things.

This space is not available for venting. It is for doing something different. It is for creating change. If someone just wants to vent, which is not a healthy way to handle things, then they already have their “solution”, so no reason to go see a therapist.

If someone wants other people to change for them. Then again, no reason to go see a therapist, because it’s the other person who should go, right? Yeah…

If someone wants the world to be easier, more comfortable, certain, predictable, fair, then a therapist can’t make any of those things possible. A virtual reality headset maybe. The holodeck on the Enterprise or being plugged into the Matrix is what would be necessary. Because reality is not inherently predictable; life is not always fair; and the world does not guarantee comfort. Therapy is for creating change in how well a person handles the reality of human existence in order to get better, not just feel better.

Here is the hard truth: reality does not yield to one’s demands.

If someone is not getting the results they seek, then they have to do something different. They do. The individual must change in what they believe to be true about themselves, others, and the world. Their thinking and behaving is what is leading to them feeling as they do. Which in turn, leads to their thinking and behaving. It’s a pattern. People create patterns that they follow, which leads to certain results. Want different results… gotta change the pattern.

The universe does not care about people’s demands. But “my partner has to make me happy” or “I have to always do the right thing” or “life has to be fair” or “others must treat me with respect” … or else I’m going to be anxious, angry, depressed, and avoid social events, argue with my partner, stay up all night worrying and ruminating, and self-sabotage!

The core belief of how people disturb themselves is: Things must be how I want them to be, and they must not be how I don’t want them to be!

All the while, the grass continues to grow, rivers flow, birds sing, and the earth spins. Life will be as it is. Being disturbed by life... that is optional.

You don’t need to be ready to change. Just willing.

"We must, therefore, take a less serious view of all things,
tolerating them in a spirit of acceptance:
it is more human to laugh at life than to weep tears over it."
(Seneca, On Tranquillity)