What is and is not within your control
Dichotomy of Control Worksheet
“Some things in the world are up to us, while others are not. Up to us are our faculties of judgment… everything that is our own doing… If you think that things that belong to others are yours, then you will be frustrated, pained, and troubled.”
(Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1)
Your intended behaviors are within your control. You can learn and practice thinking, acting, and responding differently. You can condition yourself to create a space between reaction and response through practice. The consequences of your behaviors, however, are outside your control.
- What you intend to think about (and you may get distracted).
- What you intend to feel (and you may feel something else).
- What you intend to do (and something else may happen).
- How you intend to respond to thoughts, feelings, and other people.
- Your intended behaviors only occur within the present moment (not the past or present).
Everything other than your intended behaviors is outside your control. People encounter resistance when they try to control something beyond their control. If you want the weather to be different from what it is, and then you become upset or frustrated because it isn’t what you expected or wanted, you are creating that upset or frustration by trying to control something (the weather) that you cannot control.
- What others feel, think, say, and do is outside your control.
- How other people interpret what you say or do is outside your control.
- How others react or respond to you and the world is outside your control.
- External events, circumstances, and situations are outside your control.
- The past and future are outside your control.
Reference Note: The Dichotomy of Control originally came from Stoicism. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) adopted this and called it the Circles of Control, but created a Venn diagram with the center representing what one can influence, along with what one can and cannot control. Then, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which is a form of CBT, came up with the Control vs. Acceptance Framework, which focuses on promoting psychological flexibility and encouraging individuals to distinguish between what they can control and to take value-based action, and what they cannot control, which requires acceptance.