The field of linguistics, including cognitive linguistics, neuro-linguistics, etc., studies the structure, meaning, and use of language and how we learn and are influenced by language. This includes how language shapes human thought processes and beliefs. Things like storytelling, metaphors, sociocultural factors, and vocabulary can influence and change how we perceive and interact with the world. The words we use are reflective of our beliefs and how we construct our subjective reality.
One important concept is that our brain does not process a negation. Don’t think of an elephant. Do not think of a pink baby elephant in a tutu. Don’t do it. Don’t touch the stove. To understand what not to do, we have to understand what is being said. Some people will visualize the elephant or touching the stove to understand the concept being mentioned, and then have to cancel it out in their minds. Whatever we are talking about is what we are eliciting in someone’s mind – including our own – even if we are saying “no”, “not”, or “don’t” in front of it. So, discuss what you want to discuss, think about, talk about, or do. Use “positive language” instead of negations or “negative language”.
- Expect vs. want: I expect Maryland weather to be unpredictable because of my experience with Maryland weather. I want it to be a nice, warm, sunny day. I may not get what I want.
- An expectation is predictive behavior based on experience and available information. It is a projection or forecast of how a person or thing will act, react, respond, or what a situation will be like.
- A want is what one would like to possess or have happened. It is self-contained within the individual – it is their wish or desire. The individual has to act to bring it to fruition (if it is within their control).
- When we confuse what we expect to happen and what we want to happen, then we take things personally and get upset.
- We get frustrated or upset when we want things to be a certain way that is outside our control. E.g., if I want it to be 70 degrees and sunny and I open the door, and it’s cold and rainy, then I may get upset because reality is not as I want it to be. But I cannot control the weather, so it is silly for me to get upset, and being angry punishes me.